I HAVE a dream...In the not -so -idle dream I see a magnificent luxury automobile slowly pull up outside my Great Clacko home,a humble abode in the area known as Lymitonia Lynxadia...

Because it is warm and sunny,a large number of individuals are milling around a very strange -looking parade of shops and buildings,including a small church,,butchers,bakers,candlestick makers,confectioners,betting shop,barbers,and a knocking shop-well,it IS a red- light district...Vicar doesn't like it one bit- shame.More cucumber sandwiches,Rev?

I am wondering why there is congregating outside my home such a large group of excited - looking individuals...Then I see it.Taking up three parking spaces is a magnificent sight,an enormous gold-plated Rolls Royce Golden Phantom resplendent with the large,gold-plated radiator grill and the iconic,solid - gold Spirit of Ecstasy symbol,the most magnificent and splendid insignia in all of automobile history...The windows are tinted violet and the heavy,gold- plating of the larger -than -life wheels shine and sparkle in the late afternoon sun.There is no mistaking the stately appearance of one of the most expensive and magnificent -looking cars the world has ever known.After gazing for sometime at the dream -like luster of the gleaming,gold -plated bodywork one of the 4 armor- plated doors of the legendary luxury car slowly opens...From the depths of the posh,plush interior emerges the very imposing figure of a very tall and broad-shouldered chauffeur resplendent in full uniform...He gestures to me to get inside the cavernous interior of what must weigh several tonnes...I slide into one of the soft leather seats,unsure as to whether or not I am dreaming...The interior smells of both leather and money...Once settled,the chauffeur asks me if I would perhaps like a drink from the Roller's cocktail cabinet,or perhaps a little Beluga Caviar...I am aware of the quiet hum of the air- conditioning...
After drinking a glass of fine red wine and sampling some Beluga Caviar at more than a hundred and fifty pounds an ounce,we head for the open road,..Because the road is very straight and almost clear of any traffic,we are able to accelerate up to a speed of more than a hundred and twenty miles an hour-bollocks to the law.Bridges,landmarks and road signs streak by in a flash,and although there are a number of potholes in the middle of the main road,the ride is as smooth as silk,there being not the slightest bump as the fast- moving Golden Phantom easily negotiates the biggest of Clacko's craters...What is that wailing sound?Is it a banshee?No,its Clacko's Finest,Almighty Plod....